Winds of Winter: A Satire

Note: This is just a fun article, not an attempt to insult GRRM.

Truly, G.R.R.M. your WORDS ARE WIND…

The cover of Winds of Winter

          The Winds of Winter. The one book that G.R.R.M. has been planning to complete every year, and then another year, and yet another from eternity. But curiously, somehow, GRRM has not been able to complete it yet.

          It has become so bad, so, so bad, that now when G.R.R.M. announces the next release period of the book, people understand only three words:


But fear not, a very kind stranger from the future has told me all about it. Read it all in his own words.

Ahhh…. just came back from 2036 using TIME PORTAL 512S. To cut my time on the way, I read The Summer of Starks, the eighth and final entry into A Song of Ice and Fire. But when I came back, I realized G.R.R.M. has not yet planned the book yet. So sad, but for my dear brothers and sisters all around the world, I’m writing the ending of the series right down here. And hey, in HBO Game of Thrones Season 8, Gendry still keeps rowing on, and on.

As a responsible person, I’d like to tell you there are MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD.

1). First of all, Dany finds out that Daario had  was The Stallion That Mounts. So she set upon her task of… getting mounted?
2). Oh! And as a major revelation along the way, it was revealed that Patchface was King Aerys all along. I can’t remember what exactly happened to him, but it contained crowning (yes, of the Viserys sort), with him screaming “I know, I know, where dragons fart ice, I know, I know”, Moon Boy crying and Ser ‘Mute’ IIyn chuckling (yes, making the annoying clacking sound; say it like Jaime).
3). Hey, does anyone remember Brienne? Yes, she marries Jaime and whelps out a lot of children. And one of the clan “is a high-born lady with auburn hair”.
4). Littlefinger finally gets Cat I mean Lady Stoneheart. And he lives a snug life, with his ‘littlefinger’ deep under Stoneheart.
5). Saying of Cat? Yes, Arya leaves behind her past lives life and lives as “no one”.
6). Arianne pledges a deep vow to straddle on top of all the Kingsguard until… she came across a certain Ser Robert Strong…
7). Bran sulks throughout the whole way as he doesn’t get to fly! What he gets instead is to change into any creature. So boring, right, Bran? And, oh, Rickon tries a zig-zag game!
8). The best part! Varys is not a eunuch (yes, I knew it!), and Magister Illyrio learns that to his sorrow.
9). The-King-Beyond-The-Wall Jon Snow (yes, finally, it happened) blows The Horn of Whatever and The Wall blows off. The Others, it turned out were misunderstood and they come here and The Andals, The First Men, The Rhoynar, The Children, The Ironborn and The Others live together in harmony
10). What? There was some Aegon Targaryen also! Er? Let’s forget about him!
11). Tyrion finally gets better in tilting with Penny. And do you know, he learns that Tywin’s shit is sprayed upon his breeches! And guess what, it’s of gold!!! Tyrion gets rich.
12). Somebody bring little Robin the milk of the poppy! Fast!

So, did you find it humorous? Comment below and let me know. Share this to your family and friends to help them pass their time before the ultimate arrival of Winds of Winter.

To read the first chapter of my science-fiction “The Lost and The Damned”, click here (read it, it’s awesome, or so does I suppose).

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17 thoughts on “Winds of Winter: A Satire

  1. Hmm- aparece como seu local comeu o meu primeiro comentário (foi
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